There's a theory (maybe not a good one, albeit, but a theory nonetheless) that successful couple's therapy can happen when the couple bonds over their dislike for the therapist. So instead of battling each other, they team up to battle the therapist - it provides them with a common interest. The bloke and I have had enough battles in the past few weeks to ward off any therapists for years. Heck, we're modern day warriors.
First there was the toilet. Before we had even managed to use it properly - if you know what I mean - it became clogged. It's easy when a toilet becomes blocked - and you know you didn't do anything to clog it - to assume the other user was suffering the consequences of a large burrito. But we both swear it wasn't us.
So began the battle of the bird and the bloke versus the toilet. They just don't make toilets like they used to. The bungalow has those water-saving low-flushing toilets. So the bloke's first attempt was to dump a bucket of water into the toilet. No luck. We finally brought over a plunger from the bloke's condo. They also don't make plungers like they used to. Plastic handles, really?! What happened to the wood? Anyways, round plungers in low-flush toilets don't create suction. Second fail.
We had been toilet-less for probably a week by the time mama bird came to visit. As I remember growing up, my childhood home was fraught with clogged and overflowing toilets. This came in handy as my mom was able to successfully unclog the toilet (she's the plunger whisperer, I swear). The plan was to teach us how to plunge before she left. We didn't get the chance though, as it wasn't even 3 hours before the toilet clogged again (and again, not from a burrito lunch).
Crossing your legs to "hold it" can be distressing and nerve-wracking. To make it more bearable, we put our attention to the simple little tasks. Changing out the curtains in the guest bedroom seemed as simple as it could be. Loosen the rod, drop the old rags, slide on the new and re-attach the rod.
Loosen the rod? Not so fast! Of course it's attached with a screw. A screw to suit no driver - it seems to have a special key that we of course did not have. The option? Remove the rails from the wall. Naturally these are attached to the wall with more screws. And of course, these are screwed deep into a wall that gives the impression of drilling to the center of the earth. This is no mean feat.
A feat that has to be repeated shortly after on another simple task. Attach a small shelf in the bathroom and replace the toilet-roll holder. Whatever possessed the previous owners had clearly affected their tastes. Such an ideal house adorned with some truly grotesque furnishings. Either that or they knew the future owners would be tested to the full should they decide to replace these articles and insert holes in the walls. For certain, these walls are not for coming down in a storm. Heck, they'd withstand an earthquake and a hurricane. At once.
After finally getting through the walls, we went to hang the fixtures, only to discover the screws were too big. Whoops. What do you do with 5/16" holes in your wall? You make the holes in the furniture bigger, of course!
Our steel trap walls, however, still open their pores to visitors. Ants! We can only presume these co-habitants utilize some form of teleportation to transport themselves over, under, and around the newly sprayed barricades. Uninvited and hungry, our little friends couldn't resist the kitchen.
They couldn't resist the bathroom. They couldn't resist the office. Most importantly, they couldn't resist the sweet tasting, mind-bendingly awesome ... BAIT!!!!
Every day has its battle.
Just before calling a plumber, the bloke found a snake in his garage. The curtains are hung after sore arms and literally having to cut the old rags off the rods. The bathroom fixtures are in place after using a bit of creativity. And the ants are slowly dying off.
The bathroom towel rack/shelf affixed to the world's strongest walls by giant screws.
Pretty (un-ironed) curtains in the guest room hanging from the permanently affixed rods.
All of that black stuff in the bait are ants! I would venture thousands of them.
Now that we've reached a peace agreement with the bungalow (at least for the time being), it's on to the fun part ... more projects! Here's another preview ... the living room is almost done!
Stay tuned!
Love,
the bird and the bloke
